Dating is necessary because it provides the opportunity to learn about oneself and it creates a safe environment to discover others in preparation for marriage. However the society we live in has given dating a different meaning. People without any intention of getting married date and kids at 12 find it comfortable to do so. Sex is normally the first agenda of the dating list while many get bruised and battered and end up with heart breaks. This doesn’t distract the fact that dating is necessary for those that are qualified to date.

This post highlights 7 tips that would help serious minded people in dating relationships. Some of them I learnt from single conferences I attended in the past while others I learnt from experience.

1. Learn to crawl before you walk

Dating should be a process and things should be taken one step at a time. Meeting someone today and getting married in a fortnight cannot be true love. You barely know the persons name. Getting hitched because you are desperate to get laid isn’t the best and would most definitely not last. These has become the status quo for celebrities but shouldn’t be emulated.

How long the dating period last can be an indication of the premium placed on the relationship. At one extreme, a person seeking a one night stand or a victim to add to the hit list wouldn’t spend much time investing in the relationship. A true relationship should develop overtime with mutual trust earned and confidence in each other built.

2. Be natural

Be yourself, don’t pretend to be who you are not, some people call this ‘forming’. It’s deception and always backfires. In as much as you should be honest in your relationship. You shouldn’t give out too much too soon. Having to tell your date your life history in your first night out would not be appropriate and is a sign of immaturity. Take things slowly and be systematic about the amount of information you divulge. As your trust and confidence in the relation builds up over time you can share more and reveal deeper issues. That way you won’t get hurt if the relationship doesn’t go any deeper. At least you haven’t given out information at that stage that you would regret or be ashamed of.

3. Remember you are still single

It is very easy to dissociate yourself from friends and family when dating. Your new found love suddenly takes you time and resources that no one else seems to exist. You hardly have time for your close friends nor do you have time to partake in your usual routine. Perhaps this is more common with ladies than with men. Men sometimes brag about their love with friends and are more likely to seek opinions from them. There are a few ladies that keep their date secret even from their close friends.

When dating you should maintain your individuality and have a separate life with friends. Your date shouldn’t take your whole, life keep your friends informed and perhaps introduce your date to them and get their opinions and weigh them. Remember if things don’t work out with your date it’s your friend and family that would pick you up. If you get rid of them because of you new found love where you would turn to for help, support and advise.

Keep your normal daily routine and please don’t skip lectures or classed because of your date. You’ll be ruining your future as an individual and for both of you if you eventually get married. Remember also that until marriage your commitment should be more to your friends and family and not your date.

4. Stay in the real world

It is good to be optimistic and exercise faith however when dating keep things in the present. Don’t fantasies and build castles in the air. You would be setting yourself up for heart breaks. I have heard and spoken to ladies who begin to fantasies about the children they would have after their first date. Some take it a step further by giving names to the children and by practising to sign signatures with their married names.

It is easy to be carried away like this especially when a guy sweeps you off your feet with his charms or perhaps you’ve been waiting for so long and you dreams seem to be coming through. To save you self from emotional trauma try to keep things in the present and take the relationship one step at a time.

5. Don’t change too much too soon

At some stage in your relationship you should have an idea of your similarities and differences and might consider make adjustments over time to arrive at a compromise if you intend to take it to the next level. However, you shouldn’t change religion place o worship after you first date because you date isn’t affiliated to it. Neither should you become someone else or something else to please your date. Taking up huge financial commitments by buying a car, house etc to make a point is uncalled for.

The amount and level of change should be proportional to the depth of the relationship and commitment. You may consider relocating to be closer to your date after careful consideration. Distance could be a hindrance in a relationship. This could imply changing jobs and place of worship.

6. Apply equal efforts

Both parties should show equal commitment to the relationship. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic. It would be one sided for one person to a always make the phone calls and efforts to bond. Also always receive gifts, cards and compliments without reciprocating are selfish and detrimental to the relationship.

7. Freedom of expression

Be free to express yourself. Perfect love cast out all fear. If you feel threatened or intimidated in a relationship, then you have no business being in it. It doesn’t mean you should drive you mouth out of control but be tactful and wise in your communication.

The dictionary defines a friend as a close or intimate acquaintance, well-wisher or supporter. We make friends in school, places of work and worship, social gatherings etc. Some friends we out grow, some we lose contact with, some become close rivals and sworn enemies while there are the few that the bible refers to as friends that sticks closer than a brother. While you have the liberty to choose, limit and dump friends at will when single, the whole dynamics changes when married.

Getting married to a friend that you share the same friends with suggests that there is the greater probability of you keeping your friends when married otherwise, you would lose some of them after a while. If you have bosom friends you would like to keep when married, it is advisable you introduce them to your intended spouse during the dating period and let the friendship ensue. However, be rest assured that the dynamics of your relationships with your friends would change when you say ‘I do’, especially if they are of the opposite sex and single.

After you’ve said ‘I do’, your loyalty, priority and devotion switches to your spouse. Everybody and everything else takes a subordinate position. If you spouse does not like or enjoy the company of any of your friends, get rid of them fast. It’s hard but it may save your marriage. It is very true for the woman because she can smell gold-diggers miles away by their innate intuition.

As a couple you should desire to establish new friendship together especially with other couples that would be role models and able to provide support and encouragement. What happens to your old friends then? Marriage does establish limits on your involvements with them especially if they are still single. You cannot have your usual girl’s or guy’s night outs without the express consent of your spouse. You would be looking for big trouble by keeping close relationships with friends of the opposite sex. You would be establishing a mine field and breeding ground for jealously and distrust.

It doesn’t however mean you cannot have a friend or colleague of the opposite sex whom you relate with from time to time. If they are worth your time and effort the courteous thing to do is to introduce them to your spouse. If they are not comfortable speaking with your spouse, it is an alarm bell. The reality of friendships in marriage is that you cannot live as a single person anymore. The two are now one. No individual in the marriage has the sole decision to establish friendships at the expense of the other. You shouldn’t have any friend your spouse is unaware of, that is if you have nothing to hide.

A more sensitive situation is maintaining relationships with ex-boyfriends, lovers or husbands especially if there is a kid involved. The relationship must be clearly defined and boundaries established with the consent of your current spouse. If there isn’t any child or common interests between you and your ex, my advice it to dissolve any relationship in whatever form that ever existed. You must find the strength to do it if you want your marriage to be void of suspicions and doubts. Exs have a way to getting back together at the expense of the established marriage. Flee every appearance of evil and be the man or the Woman after God's Heart!

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. - King James VersionLife does naturally dictate our friends. You make friends with people you share common interests with. You most likely would make friends with folks in church if you attend church activities regularly. The same applies to sports activities, places of work and schools. When you start having kids, there is the probability that you would develop friendships with other parents as well the same applies when you are pregnant. Your single friends gradually become irrelevant and if they do not get married soon they fade away. Birds of the same feather do flock together.

All said and done, you spouse should be your best friend but not your only best friend. You should also have at least a very close friend (of the same sex) whom you can talk to, share things with and who can tell you the truth and rebuke you when you err. Your spouse should know who he or she is though. Friends like that are rare to find, but when you find them they would be an immense blessing to your home.